People have made it their business to judge others since the beginning of time, probably ever since dinosaurs had the run of the land, and people were just a concept yet to be actualized, that they didn't exist yet and that there was no one around to judge or do the judging was perhaps a handicap which didn't stop people from indulging in their favorite activity. If all these people were to put their bigotedness, their prejudice and their spite to good use, we'd have no shortage of judges to preside over the cases in the Supreme Court, there would be no backlog, and no cause of bureaucratic delays, red tape would become extinct, and cases would be processed at record speed.

Of course, no one would be found innocent either, to the eyes of these so-called judges, everyone would be guilty, every person unlucky enough to stand before their benches would be at fault, and everyone would be a sinner no matter how much they've atoned or repented. It would be a disaster of unequalled proportion for our penal system.

That's the law of the human race, if not the land, to make ourselves look good, to make ourselves seem better, we have to put ourselves aside others who we feel have done more wrong than we have, we can't even stand up straight enough to take our measure.

I have firsthand experience on how it is to be judged, constantly actually. I have two kids, and i've had them early, and what people perceive as 'my type' is always rife and subject to the judgement of others who consider themselves to be better than me, nevermind that i've transformed my spoiled and pampered self, outgrown an adolescence which I could've extended for a couple of years longer, and am attempting to move heaven to earth to ensure that these kids would have the opportunity to have a spoiled and pampered future, should they feel that they'd want one, of course I hope that they'd opt otherwise out of their own accord, the possibility of which i'm attempting as well by trying to raise individuals who will be as worthy of the world as the world they'll exist in will be of them, but still it would be nice to give them the choice.

Nevermind that I have faced, and will continue to face up, if need be, and atone for the hurts i've caused my loved ones and have spent no small number of sleepless nights on because I feel as if nothing I do will ever be enough.

Nevermind that I will make it a point to ensure that my kids will never see me at my worst because in my view that's what a parent has to be, ten times a better person than what they originally were before they became parents with a projection of a body aura twenty five degrees celcius closer to that of heaven than those of human beings who are yet to have children.

I suppose I would be looked upon more highly and more admirably if I had shunned responsibility and thrown honor and conscience to the trashcan the way some women leave their children in shoeboxes along Quiapo (though of course, I pass no judgement over them, not knowing as I do, what life they are living, or what situation might have prompted them to do as they have, it's just a manner of speaking), and aborted my children instead. Perhaps I woul've merited more esteem and more respect if I had chosen the appearance of 'cleanliness', 'purity', and 'morality' rather than lived the principle of it. Perhaps then I would've deemed myself worthy of the approval and regard of those who presume themselves to be spotlessly clean enough to be the judge of the worth of others.

But how then would I have looked myself in the mirror day after day? How then would it have been possible for me to live with myself knowing that when it mattered the most, I couldn't even make the right choice? What then about the people whose hearts I had broken, nonetheless without malice, but had broken still who had every right and reason to judge me, and maybe even shun me, and yet from whom I didn't hear a single painful word from, and would've taken it from because they loved me, and I deserved it from them.

What about the one's who call me 'mama' with such unconditional love? The words spoken with such innocence, and infinite tenderness that the sound caresses and soothes every particle of my flawed soul and for whom I would much rather be damned to perdition, then not have them in my life at all.

I still wouldn't plea bargain, even if my defiance brings down the judgement of the whole unworthy world on my shoulders, and even if all i'll have left to seek solace from will be my immaculate white bond paper, and my long suffering Pilot G-Tech C3, the perpetually loyal companion of my restless soul.