I am in freak-out and fret mode, and what put me into this state is the realization of how urgent it is to crystallize my self counsel, to imprint upon my consciousness who the hell I am to begin with. Actually, it isn't having to know myself better so I can stand by my principles which is agitating me so, it's the reason why I have to do it which is bothering me, that reason being that it turns out that I don't know those around me as I thought I did, or who I wanted to see them as aren't who they are at all.

Sigh. And I am so disillusioned because I always believed that these people didn't need excuses, or that making excuses would be beyond them.

For who I perceived them to be, all they needed were reasons. My reason for writing this being that I need someplace to start, and my cluttered and befuddled mind isn't the place right now for sane ruminations.