Being afflicted unexpectedly by a sudden attack of the cold virus has given me the perfect opportunity to post and reaffirm a vow I made to myself just a couple of days ago, that while physical discomfort might (or most certainly, will) give me a propensity towards grumpiness and ill-temperedness, the license to act upon that urge doesn't come with the package. Apparently those kinds of licenses aren't issued, though allowances of patience might be made in cases which call for exceptions.
niz on 03:43 PM CST [ link ]

A spark of enlightenment was kindled in my mind today while I was going through the last few movements of my dance work-out this morning. Executing the steps out of some innate instinct, allowing the rhythm of the music to meld with some unnamed part of my being, I couldn't deny that dancing was more elemental than physical, more sacred than skill. It may not be something which I readily feel every day, during every dance, nor something which I can summon or command at will. But for me, for dancing to be what it essentially is, every movement has to be as whispery as air, yet paradoxically, every gesture has to be liquid, subtly visible, defined, fluid without being tentative. And every step has to be on fire with passion, devoid of inhibitions, yet incandescent with purity, as close to quintessence as there can possibly be.
niz on 04:44 PM CST [ link ]

I have gone through every phase imaginable. A Dark-skinned Phase, an unjustly long Ugly Duckling Phase, one which seems to recur on a daily basis, a Graceless and Awkward phase, a Manhater phase, a perpetually Insecure Phase, the hated Fat Phase, an ongoing Oyster Cake Phase which hasn't yet rendered me any pearls in spite of the volume of Oyster Cake's i've been consuming, a permanently Immature phase, and include about 80% of phases known to mankind, or rather, womankind, at that. Though I must admit I haven't gone through a Transexual Phase yet. I have, however, even gone through a Cheesy Bestfriend Phase (which still gives me the creeps up until this very moment).

Today it's a combination of the Jealous, Green-eyed monster, and Ugly-toad Phase, one which wreathes the face reflected by the mirror in utter misery, and one which I haven't found a solution to yet because though women kiss frogs whilst turning them into princes, men don't.
niz on 05:22 PM CST [ link ]

God, or whomever is listening out there in the cosmos. I, who am usually so perfectly in control when in public, am on the verge of breaking down and weeping on my keyboard. The past is crap, I hate it. It keeps on reaching forth with its ghostly arms to encircle the present and shut me out. All I want to do is disable the cmdPREVIOUS command button if only there were one, better yet i'd delete it permanently. Blood ties, voluntary ties, all kinds of ties are so f-ing overrated (fuck censorship... the f-word deserves its place in the fucked up schema of life). Sometimes life doesn't seem worth enduring, and I just want to barf out what's left of my fucked up soul.
niz on 03:01 PM CST [ link ]